I recently came across an article on eye contact that the Harvard Business Review highlighted back in October. Those of you who know me know that I’m a big proponent of eye contact, so I was understandably confused to see that this study actually discouraged eye contact. To be honest, I started yelling at my computer screen because I so adamantly disagreed. Why such a strong reaction? Well, the study was conducted using video recordings of speakers expressing different views. Not real people — videos.

Of course we’re going to be turned off by direct eye contact in a video! We know instinctually that, if the speaker in a video is looking right at us, he isn’t making eye contact, he’s just staring directly into the camera. We know that this effect is achieved without looking anybody in the eye. That’s why it feels uncomfortable, insincere and unpersuasive. They say in the article that “eye contact decreases the success of attempts at persuasion.” Well, I’m not sure what the speaker was unsuccessfully trying to ‘persuade’ the camera to do, but I know the viewer had no part in it. The viewer was simply an observer of the speaker/camera interaction. Of course they weren’t persuaded of anything.

Eye contact is a powerful tool to create connection. It’s not one sided; it’s an exchange between two real-life, present people. It has the power to establish trust, credibility and confidence through mutual acknowledgment. But you can’t receive mutual acknowledgment from a video. You just can’t.

Every good public speaking coach will tell you that stories strengthen any presentation, speech or pitch. Stories put information into context. However, not every story is a good story or even the right story. So here are three rules to follow to help you identify the right stories.

Connection
Relatable:
This is one people often overlook. Your story may be perfect for your speech, but not for your audience. Each audience is different. Telling a story the majority of your audience can’t connect to, is worse than no story at all. So realize you may have to change stories each time you give that presentation. If not, it may feel like an inside joke that alienates you from the audience.

Clarity
Relevant:
I have often seen speakers who include anecdotes or stories because they read in a book that they should. They never bothered to figure out how or why that story makes sense in their speech. If you don’t see the connection, why should they. Think of the story as a picture you are painting for your audience so they can remember your points and put them in context. Make sure your stories are a good fit.

Credibility
Real:
First and foremost stories need to be true. An audience can usually sniff out a ‘planted’ story that was crafted for the occasion. They always fall flat and leave you looking like a twit. By the same token, I have seen people use other people’s stories as their own. While it is always more powerful to use personal stories, there are times when an experience that a client or colleague has had can be useful. However, if they are not your own you need to qualify that at the beginning. Give credit where credit is due. Keep it real.

So think about your audience, your information and your experiences. The stories that intersect all three are always the ‘right’ stories.

When people find out that I am a Communications Coach, I often get the same question “What is the one thing you can tell me to help me with my next presentation?”                                                                                                                                         
The truth of the matter is that one thing differs which each person. However, there are three things that are fundamental practices to succeeding through communication.

1. Research
You need to know your audience. Why are they there? Do they want to be there, or did their boss require it? Did they just have a heavy lunch and are now sitting in a darkened ballroom? Are you the only thing standing between them and happy hour?

Once you know who they are, why they are there, and how you need to engage them, you can begin the process of putting together your presentation. Make sure everything you put in is about them – your audience.

2. Practice
Once you have your speech or presentation laid out, you need to practice. That does not mean memorizing it, or reading it over and over. You actually need to practice out loud, preferably in front of a person for reaction. You can also turn your iPad on yourself and video your speech, or stand in front of your dog (they make a very receptive audience).

Saying it out loud is key. As opposed to keeping a thought in your head, hearing it helps you edit and refine your message. It will also help you remember what you want to convey.

Then, do it over and over. You should prepare well in advance so that you can go over it numerous times and then: let it go. Give yourself at least 24 hours to play hooky from your presentation. If you practice enough in advance, you will remember it with no problem, but the time off will let it sink in and help you stay relaxed on the day you present.

3. Authenticity
Finally, don’t try to act or sound like anyone other than yourself. People want to hear from you, not you pretending to be Steve Jobs. If you don’t naturally use a lot of hand gestures, don’t worry. No one ever leaves a presentation thinking ‘Why didn’t she use her hands more?’ Before you speak, try to notice how you move and use your voice when you are at your most comfortable. That is all you need to do when you present.

Now you simply need to keep it conversational, focus on how your message helps your audience, and let your hours of practice take over. You will be relaxed, focused and able to communicate to maximum effect.